What Now?
by AniDragon aka Riona-chan
Summary: A reincarnation fic with a twist. A young boy's best friend is a ghost only he can see, but what happens when he finds out the details of this ghost's death? Warnings: Angst, death and suicide.


**What Now?**

**By: AniDragon, aka Riona-chan**

"Hurry up, Cirrus, or you're going to miss the train!" The exasperated mother said with a glare at her eleven year old son.

"But I have to say goodbye to Remy!" The boy argued back, his blue eyes determined, "I haven't seen him today!"

The mother sighed, "Cirrus, honestly, you're eleven years old. Isn't it about time that you let go of your imaginary friend? The other kids at Hogwarts will make fun of you if you go on like that."

Cirrus crossed his arms, "Remy's not an imaginary friend. He's a ghost."

His mother knelt down next to him and straightened out his black hair, "If he were a ghost, than I would be able to see him, too. All wizards can see ghosts. Even some muggles can! But you're the only one who can see this Remy."

He shook his head, "I don't care what you say. I know he's real, mum!"

The woman closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. For years, now, the boy had been claiming to see the ghost of this man he called Remy. Still, he was the only one who could supposedly see him.

"Listen, Cirrus," She said softly, "Whether he's real or not, if we don't leave right now, you'll miss the train. If he really is a ghost, then he'll be here when you come visit for Christmas vacation. Alright?"

Cirrus nodded broodingly, and his mother took his arm to lead him to King's Cross station.

Remy had first appeared to Cirrus when the boy was five.

He didn't have any friends his own age; especially since the war had cause many parents to be paranoid about letting their children meet new people. Cirrus's parents were no exception to that rule.

One day, as he was sitting on their backyard swing, an ashen form approached him from the garden.

It was an older man—or at least, the ghost of an older man. He looked very worn and tired, and his face held some faded scars. He gave the boy his full name, but it was a little much for a five-year-old child's tongue, so Cirrus shortened it to 'Remy'.

He never questioned why no one else could see the ghost. He just figured he was special. He needed a friend, and here was one, just for him.

Now, at 11 years old, Cirrus entered Hogwarts with a solemn face. He'd gotten along well enough with the boys he sat with on the train, Jamie and Pierre, but fact was, he wouldn't see his best friend until Christmas.

He ended up in the same house as the boys from the train—in Gryffindor—but he still couldn't quite cheer up. He spent the welcome feast brooding and picking at his food.

When the first years were shown to their dorm rooms, Cirrus finally smiled.

Remy had followed him to Hogwarts, and was waiting in the dormitory for him.

He stopped at the door, shock evident on his face. He didn't say anything—after all, Pierre and Jamie weren't going to be able to see him—but a smile graced his face at the sight of the old ghost.

His second shock of the day came when he learned that Jamie and Pierre actually _could_ see Remy.

Throughout the next few days, weeks, months, and finally years, the three boys and the ghost were inseparable. They were always around when there was mischief, and it was said that they rivaled the famous Weasley twins, and were often compared to a group called the 'Marauders'.

In his fifth year, Cirrus was in the library to study for his OWLs. He'd gone alone, since he often had trouble concentrating when he was around others.

As he was closing a book he'd been reading for Defense Against Dark Arts, he almost missed the reference to ghosts that were only visible to a few people. Curious, he paused and read through the page.

_Invisible Ghosts_

_Though all wizards and a small number of muggles will see most ghosts, there are some that can only be seen by very few people. Such ghosts are often known as 'Invisible Ghosts'. There is still some debate over why these ghosts are invisible to most, though it has been speculated that those that can see them were likely close to them in a past life. However, this theory brings up many debates on reincarnation and life after death, so nothing has been studied further._

_In all reported cases, the cause of death of these ghosts has been suicide._

Cirrus dropped the book as he read the last phrase.

He had asked Remy, once, how he had died. The ghost's face had gone dark at the question, and mumbled that it was still too recent to talk about it. Cirrus didn't push him further, respecting his friend's privacy. Jamie and Pierre had agreed not to ask about it, either.

This new piece of information made him forget his decision not to pry. This was something that needed to be resolved.

He took the quickest route to Gryffindor Tower that he could find, and burst into the common room angrily. Jamie and Pierre were there, playing a game of Wizard's Chess. Remy was more than likely in the dormitory, leaving the two boys to their studies.

Jamie looked up when Cirrus entered the common room, and confusion was evident on his face. Pierre glanced behind him and gave him a similarly confused look.

"What's got you so upset?" The later asked.

Without a word, Cirrus walked right past them and headed up to the dormitories. He heard them following behind him, but didn't really care. They might as well hear this, too.

Remy was there, sitting on the windowsill and staring out the window at the moon. He looks over when the three boys entered, "Is something the matter, Cirrus?"

_Something the matter?_ The boy thought angrily, the angry words he was going to say getting stuck in his throat, _Just my best friend hiding something major from me._

He took a deep breath, trying to control his temper. He let it out slowly, and then asked: "How did you die?"

A look akin to pain crossed the ghost's features, and Jamie put his hand on Cirrus's shoulder, "What's the matter, mate?"

Cirrus brushed his friend's hand away and glared at Remy again, "I didn't want to pry, before, but I just found out something…" His voice broke, and he shook his head, "I just need to know."

Remy closed his eyes and sighed patiently, "I told you before; it's not something I want to talk ab…"

"Damn it!" Cirrus shouted, shocking the ghost with his outburst, "Don't give me that crap!"

"Cirrus, what's your problem?" Jamie demanded, grabbing his friend's shoulder again.

Cirrus pulled away from Jamie roughly, not taking his eyes off the ghost, "Just tell us! Or are you just afraid of us finding out about how much of a coward you were? About how you took your own life?"

Silence rang in the dormitory for what felt like hours. Truly, it was barely seconds.

Remy was the first to move, turning away from his friends and looking out the window again.

"It's the full moon tonight," His voice was almost a whisper.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Jamie asked, the hurt from what he'd just found out evident in his voice.

"When I was alive," Remy continued, "I never really got to see the full moon… Maybe a few times when I was a child, but nothing that I can really remember. You see, I… I was attacked at a very young age…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before finally adding, "By a werewolf.

"Lycanthropy wasn't the reason I killed myself… Well, not the only reason. Actually, for a few years I had three wonderful friends who made my condition bearable… But the war was on… And one by one, they left this world…"

He looked back at the boys, his eyes fixed on Jamie, "James was the first to go. He went down valiantly, protecting his family from the Dark Lord. His son survived the attack… Became the famous 'Boy Who Lived'.

"Peter was the last," He continued, turning his eyes towards Pierre, "He made some wrong choices, fell into the wrong side… In the end, though, he, too, sacrificed himself to help Harry Potter.

"As for Sirius…" Remy glanced at Cirrus, and his voice trailed off.

"You mean Sirius Black?" Cirrus finished for him.

Remy nodded, "Sirius suffered the most. You all know the story, I imagine. He was sent to Azkaban for a crime he never committed. He escaped only to have to go into hiding, and then died at the hands of Death Eaters."

"We're them, aren't we?" Cirrus asked when the ghost had gone quiet again, "We're their reincarnations?"

Another nod, "When the war ended, I was all alone. Harry defeated Voldemort, but at the cost of his own life… My fiancée, Tonks, died in battle not an hour before the end of the war… I had no one.

"I think I went a little insane," The ghost admitted with a sad chuckle, "I stopped taking my Wolfsbane potion, and ran away into the wilderness. I must have gone a little too close to a town, because when I came to, there was a dead child next to me," He shook his head, a disgusted look on his face, "He was only a boy, barely 4 years old, and I'd killed him."

"That's what clinched it, isn't it?" Pierre asked, "I mean, it's why you killed yourself?"

"I went to the Shrieking Shack," Remy continued, acknowledging Pierre's question with a glance at the young boy, "It was built for me when I was still in school, so I thought it would be a fitting place to end my life. I went there, and stopped eating, and drinking… Eventually, I even stopped crying. And then… I just stopped living."

A moment of silence followed when the ghost finished his story, until Cirrus turned and headed for the door to the dormitory.

"Cirrus…" Remy whispered, stopping the boy in his track.

"You know…" Cirrus replied, not looking at the one who'd addressed him, "You're always pushing the lot of us to study. And now that I finally crack open a book, this is what I find out."

"I didn't want you to find out that way," Remy whispered, "I'm sorry."

Without replying further, Cirrus left the dormitory. Jamie and Peter, after glancing at Remy, turned to follow their dorm mate.

Remy turned to look out the window again, his eyes automatically fixing on the moon.

What would happen now? He didn't know if he could reconcile with Cirrus, or with any of them, for that matter. They knew, now. Nothing would be the same.

And he had eternity to remember it.

End


End file.
